Tuesday, 20 October 2020

Depictions of Plus Sized People in RPGs Part I

In this series, I look at the depiction of plus-sized (large and/or overweight men & women) in role-playing games (RPG), both video and tabletop as well as consider their depiction in literary influences.

1933

“You are no soldier,” hissed the stranger at last. “You are a thief like myself.”

“And who are you?” asked the Cimmerian in a suspicious whisper.

“Taurus of Nemedia.”

The Cimmerian lowered his sword.

“I’ve heard of you. Men call you a prince of thieves.”

A low laugh answered him. Taurus was as tall as the Cimmerian, and heavier; he was big-bellied and fat, but his every movement betokened a subtle dynamic magnetism, which was reflected in the keen eyes that glinted vitally, even in the starlight. He was barefooted and carried a coil of what looked like a thin, strong rope, knotted at regular intervals. “Who are you?” he whispered.

“Conan, a Cimmerian,” answered the other. “I came seeking a way to steal Yara’s jewel, that men call the Elephant’s Heart.”

Conan sensed the man’s great belly shaking in laughter, but it was not derisive.

“By Bel, god of thieves!” hissed Taurus. “I had thought only myself had courage to attempt that poaching. These Zamorians call themselves thieves — bah! Conan, I like your grit. I never shared an adventure with anyone, but by Bel, we’ll attempt this together if you’re willing.”

From “The Tower of the Elephant” by Robert E. Howard, first published in Weird Tales, March 1933.

Roleplaying Games (RPGs) both videogame and tabletop, are all ultimately derived from Dungeons & Dragons. (For the sake of argument, let’s not dispute this right now.) The design of Dungeons & Dragons was heavily influenced by the Sword & Sorcery and Weird Fiction literature genres (see Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Dungeon Master’s Guide, Appendix N). It is well established (various sources too numerous to list here) that the co-creators of D&D, Dave Arneson and Gary Gygax in particular were huge fans of the Conan the Barbarian stories written by Robert E. Howard. Given all this, one would expect to see the depiction of plus-sized men and women in RPGs to be in line with this quote from the Tower of the Elephant. That is to say, “big-bellied and fat, but his every movement betokened a subtle dynamic magnetism…” — a generally positive depiction. That is to say, an acknowledgement of both Taurus’ shape as well as his capabilities as a thief. Has this been the case? Not it has not, at least not until fairly recently. Large people traditionally have not been depicted in fantasy art or RPGs except rarely and usually in a comic fashion.

1969 – 1970

Consider the picture below of the above mentioned Taurus in the Marvel Comics adaptation of the “Tower of the Elephant” illustrated by Barry Windsor-Smith in 1970:

Taurus of Nemedia by Barry Windsor Smith

Does this Taurus look “big-bellied and fat” to you? Why did Marvel Comics choose to change the depiction of Taurus? Were they afraid of their readers laughing at him? After all, by that time there was a long history in comics of depicting overweight people in a comical fashion. But then why did Robert E. Howard depict Taurus that way? He did not do so for comic effect. One clue is to remember that Howard based Conan and the supporting characters on the people he met in the oil fields and boomtowns of West Texas in the 1920s and very early ‘30s. Surely there was a man who Howard may have initially dismissed due to his bulk but then was surprised when he saw him in action.

On a personal aside, years ago a colleague of mine fit the description of Taurus, being ‘big-bellied and fat.’ But he was also an avid mountain biker… in Colorado! Judge not a book by its cover…!

So there we have in 1970, Marvel Comics downplays Taurus’ bulk and likewise the RPG industry in the 1970s fails to depict men or women as anything other than fashion models or weightlifters.

Except the extraordinary Frank Frazetta whose paintings graced the cover of fantasy books the 1960s and ‘70s which influenced Arneson & Gygax as well as countless gamers and game designers. Now, Frazetta is famous for his depiction of Conan and I have failed to find any positive depiction of overweight men. But as for women, consider the Egyptian Queen from 1969:

Egyptian Queen by Frank Frazetta

She looks like she has lived a soft and pampered life, right? Which is what we would expect of a princess or queen. Is she plus-sized, large, or fat? We all know fat-phobic people who insist that anything larger than a size 0 is “fat” but I believe the appropriate description here would be “plump.” So now the question that is begging to be asked is ‘given how the famous Frazetta was not afraid of depicting plump women, did we ever see that in the games of the ‘70s?’

The answer unfortunately is no. Despite the source material of Robert E. Howard and Frank Frazetta having an outsized influence on Dungeons & Dragons, I have found no examples of larger-than-average bodies. Except for this:

1976


In 1976, TSR published the “Eldritch Wizardry” rules for Dungeons & Dragons wherein they introduced demons and demon princes. Once such prince is Orcus, who is described as “… a grossly fat demon lord, some 15’ tall.” [This particular illustration doesn’t come from Eldritch Wizardry but does come from the late ‘70s and does a better job depicting Orcus.]

Is this a positive depiction? Well, it is not comical, that is for sure. I never met anyone who laughed at Orcus’ depiction. Prince Orcus is a particularly nasty demon lord and was never played for laughs as far as I know.

Personal aside: Back when I attended Science Fiction and Gaming conventions as a youth in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s, I was struck at how many attendees, male and female, had physiques similar to Orcus’. I am a big guy myself, and have always been big, but as a teenager I was downright surprised at all the folks that were much bigger than me. Even back then I thought, “they should at least depict witches & wizards the same size as the gamers!”

1988

As it turns out, in 1988 TSR published The Throne of Bloodstone modules for D&D. In this adventure there is a Saint Sollars the Twice-Martyred depicted as follows:

Saint Sollars the Twice Martyred

Note that Saint Sollars is based on TSR game designer Ed Sollers. While there is a certain amount of comic relief performed by the character of St. Sollars, it is because of the anachronisms (Yellow Rose, Castle Al-Amo, Beer & Cigar) rather than his size. In fact there is no mention of his size or shape anywhere in the adventure, as it should be.

And what of the women? For that, we have to move forward to 2002 and into the realm of video games, namely Neverwinter Nights.

But a bit of background first. Prior to 2002, video games were two-dimensional although a number of First Person Shooters were 3D (QUAKE). The player character (PC) creation choices were very limited, if there was any choice at all. Lara Croft in 1996 caught a lot of attention because the PC was a woman which was revolutionary at the time.

2002

In 2002 game NeverWinter Nights (NWN). NWN was revolutionary not only providing a toolset for users to create their own adventures but for allowing the player to choose a large shape (phenotype). Finally a game, where I could play a wizard that looked like me! Or if I wanted to play a woman built like an Olympic shotputter, I could.

NeverWinter Nights Enhanced Edition

Did Wizards of the Coast (then & current owners of D&D) sit up and take notice? No. To them, female warriors were (& still are) supermodels with swords and the men look like bodybuilders.
Oh and here is what they did to Prince Orcus in 2002:

Orcus from the Book of Vile Darkness

Not only did WotC not embrace the diversity of body sizes that NeverWinter Nights did, they also completely changed Orcus’ body so that he no longer looked like a gamer (or the embodiment of gluttony). 

2009

In 2009, Fat Princess for the PlayStation came out. A variation on capture the flag, players pick up food to feed the princess, making her heavier and thus more difficult for the opposite team to capture her.

Fat Princess Growth Stages

The game traded on the cuteness factor of the princess becoming more and more babylike as she grew. There were criticisms from some feminist groups decrying what they felt were stigmatizing stereotypes. James Green, the art director of Titan Studios replied “Does it make it better or worse that the concept artist (who designed the look, characters, everything) is a girl?”

Also of note is that Angelina Duplisea, the plus-sized actress, model, and fat activist portrayed the Fat Princess for a promotional event:

Angelina Duplisea as the Fat Princess

Should the fact that the artist who created the image of the Fat Princess is a woman have any bearing on our reaction? Of course not! Our emotional reaction is our own and should never be influenced by, let alone dictated by someone else. Regardless of the creator’s sex, race, size, political leanings, et cetera.
That being the case, I see the depiction of the Fat Princess as akin to a baby rather than a derogatory or comical depiction of a hyper-obese woman. But do not let me decided for you. Decide for yourself.

2014

In 2014, The Sims 4 included a body size slider:


Sims 4 Underweight Male

Sims 4 Overweight Male

Sims 4 Underweight Female

Sims 4 Overweight Female

I have no information on the popularity of these sliders but I wholeheartedly congratulate Electronic Arts for doing so! Just like NeverWinter Nights in 2002, the game gives the player the choice of how to depict their player character (PC).

Also in 2014 a mod for Skyrim was released called “Myrgiol the Sturdy” by Razorwire:

Myrgiol the Sturdy 3/4 facing

Myrgiol the Sturdy profile

There have been 3,127 unique downloads and 102,404 views of this mod. The most telling comment came from MikeTheRatGuy:

“Or people who like some realistic variety in their game. I don’t quite understand the suggestion that someone has to have a fetish for chubby girls in order to respect their existence.”

Well said Mike, well said!

2020

What about 2020? I examined D&D 5th edition from Wizards of the Coast and cannot find any positive depictions of plus-sized women. I did find some example of plus-sized non-player characters (NPCs) in a positive light but no PCs. Sorry I have no pictures to share. Of course over on Deviant Art, there are lots of pictures of plus-sized women who would fint in a D&D world, but nothing from WoTC.

On the videogame side, let us take a look at Pendragon which just came out this past September:



The depictions of Sir Kay are Queen Guinevere are interesting contradictions. On the one hand, Guinevere is lovingly depicted with a pear shape. Back in the days of my inner-city youth, my African-American friends called this “Black woman’s thighs” — a compliment paid to white women with well-rounded hips and thighs.

In contrast, Sir Kay looks like a character from an ostensibly children’s cartoon who accidentally swallowed a balloon and should stay far away from swords and spears. Speaking as a man of some girth, I find this depiction of Sir Kay highly offensive, insulting, and disrespecting. It would be one thing if all the characters had odd shapes but they do not. Only Sir Kay is malformed. Apparently, Inkle Studios believes that plus-sized women should be depicted attractively while large men comically. If that is true, they certainly succeeded on both fronts.

Now before judging Inkle Studios too harshly, as tempting as it is, it would be prudent to consider our society in 2020. Let us also review the past as well to keep everything in perspective. And to understand how society and popular culture has depicted larger people, we must first understand the concept of “the other.”

The Other

Our ancestors evolved to survive. One of the ways to survive is to fear anything which is different from what we know and who we are. Thus we are biologically programmed to treat people who smell, sound, look, and even believe different from ourselves as being outsiders or as psychologists call it, “the other.” [See this Wikipedia article.] This hard-wiring of our brain has naturally led us to pre-judge other people resulting in all kinds of “-isms” (e.g. racism, sexism, sizeism, &c.). None of us are immune to it because it is literally part of our biological hard-wiring. The good news is that as humans, we have the potential to be greater than our biology and to consciously overcome our prejudices. In other words, we are not bound by our biology or our culture for that matter. We always have the choice.

One of the challenges in overcoming our treatment of ‘people who are not like us’ is that differences make us uncomfortable and humor is a way of coping with that discomfort. This is why in my country (U.S.A.), it used to be popular for whites to tell jokes about blacks, protestants to tell jokes about Catholics, English descendants to tell jokes about Irish immigrants, et cetera. In the 1980s there was an uptake in Gay jokes precisely because this country was dealing with the AIDS epidemic and homosexual rights. Today in 2020, gay marriage is not a big deal for most people. Interracial marriage is also not a big deal today despite the fact that it was not until 1967 that anti-miscegenation laws were struck down by the U.S. Supreme Court.

What then about fat discrimination? Today in most places in the U.S., discriminating against overweight people is legal. They can be denied promotions, raises, and even seats on airplanes. Our society for the most part, will not discriminate against Blacks or Irish (as in the past). But obesity is a fair target for mocking and prejudice. I could tell you many accounts from my acquaintances of “fat discrimination,” both female and male as well as my personal stories. The irony is that the greatest amount of discrimination comes from the white collar jobs populated by college-educated (mostly) liberals and leftists. The reason for that, I believe is that because obesity among working class people is substantially higher and therefore more accepted. Just like how whites and Asians are more likely to discriminate against the overweight rather than blacks and Hispanics. It all goes back to our hard-wiring bias against The Other.

Is there any hope that it will change? Yes there is. The evidence can be found in Internet image search results. I have been very active on the Internet since 1994 and supportive of fat activism since 1992. Over the last 26 years, I am very happy to report that the percentage of pictures positively depicting overweight women has grown tremendously. In doing my research for this article, I am quite pleasantly surprised to see just how much. In the mid-1990s, most images of plus-sized women were comical but in 2020 is now a small percentage. What is even more surprising is the amount of “fat porn” that has sprung up. Not only that, but fat pornography has redefined the terms ‘BBW’ and ‘SSBBW.’ The term BBW meaning ‘Big Beautiful Woman’ was first popularized by BBW Magazine which was first published in 1979 and SSBBW meaning ‘Super-Sized Beautiful Woman’ was coined by Dimensions Magazine sometime in the late ‘80s. However in the last decade, the search results for BBW and SSBBW changed. Previously those terms used to bring up websites and pictures of clothing and fashion models but now the top results are porn. Why would this be so unless hundreds of thousands of men and lesbians came out of the “fat closet?” If you change your search filter to ‘moderate’ than the top images are of paysite softcore models (PG-13 & R-Rated). Even more telling is to set your filter to strict (no adult content) and then there is no result for BBW or SSBBW at all!. What a sea change! I wonder what NAAFA (National Association for Fat Acceptance) thinks of that? What about searching for ‘fat girl’ or ‘fat woman’? The results also surprise me. Regardless of whether the filter is set to off, moderate, or strict, the results are almost all positive depictions of fully clothed overweight women. When the filter is turned off, a couple of porn shots appear but that is all. So while BBW and SSBBW has been co-opted by the porn culture, Fat Girl and Fat Woman took over for them. Amazing! Back in the ‘90s, “fat” was a four–letter–word and so we used BHM (Big Handsome Men) and BBW (Big Beautiful Women) instead. But now? What a difference!

What about BHM (Big Handsome Men)? That result gives us shoes. Wait, what? Yes, it returns shoes even with all filters turned off. A search for ‘fat man’ or ‘fat men’ returns images concerned with weight loss or mocking pictures, almost exclusively. A search for ‘big man,’ ‘big men,’ ‘large man,’ or ‘large men’ returns results of almost always positive images. Those positive images are mostly clothing models (Big & Tall catalogs) or cut weight lifters.

This tells me that in the last 26 years of surfing the ‘net, attitudes towards plus-sized women have shifted very strongly to the positive whereas for men, not so much. Well, great for women but it still sucks to be a big guy.

Back to Depictions in Games

Pendragon then, is a product of its time. Queen Guinevere is depicted lovingly as an attractive pear-shape mature woman while Sir Kay as a comic fat man — both of which are the typical Internet results. But “product of its time” does not mean that we have to accept it. Just like understanding the artist gives some context, so does understanding the culture of the artist. But that still does not mean we have to change our own feelings. Our feelings are still our own. Do not let anyone take that from us! But just as we must own our own emotions, we must also understand where the artist is coming from. Let us not judge others too harshly but at the same time we must own our emotions and not dismiss or even downplay them.

So three cheers for Inkle Studios for its depiction of Guinevere but three jeers for Kay.

What about Wizards of the Coast (WotC) and 5th Edition Dungeons & Dragons? Other than gluttonous monsters and rare overweight male NPCs, you have to go to Deviant Art to find any positive images of plus-sized women at all. D&D still seems to think that all women spend their days at the gym and that all male players never want to see themselves depicted in an “unflatteringly” way.

Where to next?

Do I need to point out that game companies (video & tabletop) need to do a better job representing its customers? That it should never mock anyone for being different in any way? I understand that a lot of people want the fantasy in their escapism. They do not want to see ordinary people; they want superheroes and super models. But is that everyone today?

It should be really, really obvious — the marketplace is global and therefore it is in the best economic interests of game companies to provide options to appeal to a very wide variety of tastes. Most companies already provide a choice of sex and the color of skin, hair, & eyes. Very few provide a choice of size (NeverWinter Nights & The Sims). An argument can certainly be made that for some games, choosing a muscular blue-eyed blonde white male is the only option for story and/or for technical reasons. But what about the NPCs? Do heavier people have to be erased, depicted comically, or only as antagonists?!? Of course not. For the same reason there can and should be various NPCs of color, culture, accent, and gender.

We need a lot more Queen Guineveres and no more Sir Kays.

I hope to gather some industry responses in the next parts of this series. Stay tuned!

Thursday, 1 October 2020


I am posting this in honour of Dave Arneson, the co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons. While I do not appreciate the mixing of science fiction with fantasy that is rife in Blackmoor, many people do. Arneson was a highly creative person who inspired millions of gamers worldwide and I respect him for that. I think we also owe Arneson for the dungeoneering concept. Regardless of one thinks of dungeons, it has had a huge impact worldwide. My son has been reading anime light novels that take place in dungeons, for crying out loud! At any rate, cheers to Dave Arneson and Blackmoor!

Monday, 4 April 2016

Where, oh where has the Grymlorde been

Where, oh where has the Grymlorde™ been?

Short Answer: forum.bioware.com/forum/43-neverwinter-nights and grymlorde.deviantart.com

Long Answer

Yes, I know. Like so many bloggers, I began this blog with some measure of enthusiasm but then soon got distracted. So this is my attempt to bring you, the reader up to speed.

Grym Gygaxian Neverwinter Nights

Neverwinter Nights (NWN) is a videogame based on Dungeons & Dragons 3rd Edition which came out in 2002. The best parts af the game are 1) is the toolset which is relatively easy to learn and 2) the community (see short answer) of modders which continue to provide new content (modules, monsters, tilesets, spells, &c.). It’s amazing that almost 14 years on, there is still a community. For those who care about such things, the videogame industry still considers the Aurora Toolset in NWN to be the gold standard for user-made content.

Since 2007 I have been actively creating Grym content mostly for my personal use. I have posted some public content at neverwintervault.org but for the most part it has been for my personal use as well as for my son (The Grymson).

My current project is called Castello Xagyg. It is a dungeon adventure inspired by White Box OD&D circa 1974 with a number of customizations pulled from the various supplements and Advanced Dungeons & Dragons. Gygaxian dungeon?!? In Grymwurld?!? Heresy I say!

Reconciling OD&D with Grymwurld


As I mentioned in another blog posting, in 1977 I started playing D&D using the original 1974 rules. In the original rules, dungeons were not just dark places, they were unnaturally dark. In the Underworld, the ability to see in low-light or in the dark did not work for the PCs. Even if we managed to charm a monster, their dark-vision would cease to work. We had no choice but to use torches and lanterns which could be blown out by drafts and would eventually burn out. Achieving third level of experience was huge because now the magic-user could learn continual light and make permanent light sources (Clerics had to be sixth level).

This limitation on light sources and the ease by which monsters would see us as well as hide from us gave the games a real edge — almost a feeling of dread and horror. So I decided three years ago to create a dungeon adventure inspired by OD&D but still fit in Grymwurld. One that emphasizes horror and terror and avoids the “funhouse” style of dungeons that became so prevalent. And of course the dungeon is not the only fun part. Just as Grymwurld has always been a dark mirror of Earth, Castello Xagyg is placed on the Isle of Calafia which is what folks used to think of as California. In other words, there is a Dungeon Rush going on similar to the San Francisco Gold Rush. San Castico is the dark version of San Francisco and so on.

So there you have it. A Grym Gygaxian dungeon adventure that mixes Old School Dungeon Crawl with a dark pseudo-historical context and as much role-playing as I can squeeze in (retainers have personalities much like Baldur’s Gate II). When will it be done? Probably never. But perhaps I will publish bits and pieces of it over time. Or maybe The Grymson will inspire me to put some discipline into it. Only time will tell…!

Tuesday, 9 December 2014

Memorable Critical Hits

One of the oldest house rules in D&D has been the critical hit. That is, on a “natural” 20 not only does the character hit but does additional damage and/or some type of maiming. Current research shows that it was in the Empire of the Petal Throne (1975) that on a natural 20, the combatant does double damage. Earlier in the year there was a set of rules for hit location in the Blackmoor supplement but that was clumsy and lacked the elegance of double damage on a natural 20. Starting in 1976 or ’77 we start to see the marriage of hit location and extra damage. So when D&D was but one year old there was a double damage on a natural 20 and by it’s second or third year was the addition of aggravated damage.
However, Gary Gygax was opposed to using critical hits and thus kept them out of the official rules. His vision of combat was much more cinematic, that is more like the fight between Robin Hood and the Sheriff of Nottingham in the 1938 classic Adventures of Robin Hood with Errol Flynn and Basil Rathbone respectively.

In 1989 with the publishing of the AD&D 2nd Edition Dungeon Master’s Guide, there is an optional rule for critical hits with two methods — double damage on a natural 20 or an additional attack on a natural 20. Note that this was an optional rule and Zeb Cook recommended against using it.

In Grymurld,™ I tried out the hit location rules from Blackmoor and soon the players and I came to dislike them quite a bit. It was too easy to kill monsters and characters with head shots (15% chance of a success hit going to the head which had 15% of the total hit points). Inspired by the AD&D Monster Manual Giant Lizard which would bite for double damage on a natural 20, I allowed both PCs and monsters to do the same.

The players loved it! In spite of the risk of being on the receiving end of a critical hit, the players enjoyed the chance of scoring a critical hit. Even though it was only a matter of luck to roll a 20, the players felt a keen sense of satisfaction when doing so. Did this violate the spirit if not the letter of Gygax & Arneson’s D&D? Who cares?!? If players and the GM alike enjoy the rule then by all means “damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!”

And so I present to you, memorable critical hits:

Exploding Dice = Exploding Undead

Once upon a time there was a knyghte who tried to be a conventional paladin but just could not quite pull it off who was known as Syr Stephen d’Essexe. One of the many things that Syr Stephen was reputed for was always giving first strike to his opponents as well as never striking an opponent who was disadvantaged (stunned, prone, helpless, &c.). Now he could get away with this because the player rolled so well. Syr Stephen’s player rolled better than anyone I have ever seen in 30+ years of gaming. In the particular campaign that Syr Stephen was in, the rules I used for critical hits were borrowed from MERP (Middle Earth Role Playing) — upon rolling a natural 20, roll again. A result of 1–19 meant double damage while a natural 20 meant roll again. The third result would be triple damage or roll again and so on ad infinitum. Given Syr Stephen’s reputation, it was not surprising that he scored critical hits often and usually did triple damage (two natural 20s) with the occasional quadruple damage (three natural 20s).

One day Syr Stephen and his fellows encountered a powerful spectre (drain 2 life levels on a successful hit!). Syr Stephen was nervous but his sword was enchaunted versus the undead (more so v. incorporeal). I reminded the player that only the magical bonus of the weapon would damage the spectre and the not the physical part nor the strength or skill bonus. I think the sword was +12 versus incorporeal which meant that each hit would do 12 points of damage. At this point you are no doubt wondering why I give a combat with incorporeal undead as an example of critical hits when the rules clearly state that undead, especially incoporeal undead have no vital organs thus are immune to critical hits. In Grymwurld,™ I allow critical hits against the undead because it is fun! However, the undead in Grymwurld are stronger than standard D&D (AD&D was only a d8 whereas I used a d12). At any rate, as you might have guessed by now, Syr Stephen allowed the spectre to take a swing at him first. The spectre punched right through Syr Stephen’s shield and armour taking two energy levels away. The other players howled at Syr Stephen for being “chivalrous” but the good knyghte was not daunted. He responded by rolling a natural 20, followed by a natural 20, and then a third natural 20, and then a fourth natural 20, and then a fifth natural 20, and then… a 4. Still, five natural 20s in a row which gave him sextuple (6×) damage or 72 points of damage! The spectre had 52 hit points and went to -20 in one shot. All of us at the table were aghast (pun intended) at what Syr Stephen had wrought!

And just to complete the story, once the spectre was destroyed, all of the life levels it had drained returned to their owners. “There can only be one!”

Thursday, 4 September 2014

Smart D&D Players, Stupid Actions

I first started playing Dungeons & Dragons in 1977 and took on the mantle of the Dungeon Master in 1978. In that time, I have seen some really stupid and oftentimes hilarious actions by otherwise smart players. In this edition of the Hall of the Grymlorde,™ here are three examples of foolish actions.

Ivar the Boneless

During a “Viking” themed campaign that I ran, the party chanced to meet a fellow named Ivar the Boneless. Now before you start snickering, do note that there really was a Viking by that name quite active in the 9th Century. So here’s the setup: The PCs go into a mead hall and notice a big tough looking guy drinking by himself. They ask the nearest guy who the big guy is and find out he’s called ‘Ivar the Boneless’ — but don’t call him that to his face. Now most of you reading this have already figured out what’s going to happen, and indeed it does. What could possibly be the dumbest thing the PCs could do right now? Call Ivar “boneless” to his face? Right. And that is exactly what they did. Smart-arse PC taunts Ivar and Ivar punches PC in the face. The Jarl’s men break up the fight and Ivar challenges the PC to a holmgang, that is to say a duel. Next day they meet on a small island in the river, stripped to the waist and armed only with a dagger in hand. What the PCs didn’t know is that A) Ivar is a higher level warrior, B) he uses a magical dueling dagger, and C) he is specialized in dagger fighting. Long story short, Ivar kills the PC. Second PC jumps onto the island to avenge his “brother.” Ivar kills him. Third PC jumps onto the island and promptly dies. Fourth PC apologizes, offers up all the possessions of the first three PCs (as is custom) and leaves while the three players roll up new characters.

One of the players starting going on about how I screwed them and set them up to die. I pointed out that they were the ones foolish enough to provoke Ivar. I learned my craft from OD&D (c.1974) — stupid actions bring stupid deaths. The other players suddenly understood and joked about how they did act foolish and deserved it. The first player refused to take responsibility and that was not the first nor the last that he acted foolishly and denied it but that is another story.

Lambda the Lawful/Good Ranger


In the fall of 1978, the party was returning to town after a harrowing adventure in a dungeon when they met a man wearing plate mail, carrying a flail, no helmet, no shield (sounds like a cleric, right?) mounted on a red dragon. He hailed the party and introduced himself as Nommis-En. The party caller introduced himself as ‘Lambda the Lawful Good Ranger.’ You should have seen the look on the other player’s faces! A weird mixture of horror and laughter! I rolled for Nommis-En’s reaction and … well, he laughed so hard, he fell off the dragon! The party seized this good fortune and doubled-timed it out of there!

Always carry a Hold Portal spell



OD&D and AD&D Ghouls can be devastating to an unlucky party. Every hit with a claw will cause paralyzation unless a saving throw is made. Each ghoul gets two claw attacks per round plus a bite. During one dungeon adventure the party was massively unlucky. The cleric rolled poorly on his attempt to turn the ghouls and got paralyzed. Then the fighter and the ranger got paralyzed. And then the dwarven fighter and the hobbit thief were hit and failed their saving throws. Only the magic-user was unscathed because he was in the back rank. The M-U ran at the nearest opportunity and the ghouls chased him. I rolled to see which ones stayed behind to feast on the paralyzed victims but most decided to give chase. Now the magic-user’s base movement was 12" while the ghould only move at 9," which gave him a speed advantage. However, the ghouls knew the layout of the dungeon much better than the magic-user and herded him into a blind corridor. The other players kept telling the M-U to cast a Hold Portal spell. But he could not. He had not memorized that spell nor Wizard Lock for that matter. He did not have those spells on scrolls either. Nor did he have a potion of speed. I will grant him this — he managed to kill on of the ghouls with his dagger before the other two paralyzed him and literally ate him alive. TPK for want of a Hold Portal.